I know you aren’t questioning why you had kids every single day. It’s those rock bottom days where you are burnt out and just D.O.N.E.
This is encouragement for those mornings where you wake up and feel like a fire breathing dragon trying to stop your kids from killing each other before you’ve even had coffee.
Something that my husband and I have been realizing is that being a parent isn’t 90% amazing and 10% not. It’s more like 50/50.
Having 3 kids under 5 is challenging to say the least. But once you stop and accept that it’s not SUPPOSED to be this amazing highlight reel on a cute family drama, it makes it a lot easier to get through the day.
This is for you momma, the one who woke up and started questioning why you had kids at 6:00 am.
Close your eyes. Visualize your day how you want it to go. You see yourself reacting calmly and teaching your kids. You see them as they are- small children who need YOU to be there for them, teach them and fill them up with love- even when you feel like screaming.
I’m not saying this will completely work, but it does do something. It makes you stop and pause before you lose it because you’ve already seen yourself doing better.
This also works really well at night. Instead of guiltily replaying your day over and wincing at how awfully you reacted- change it. Imagine that you reacted just the way you wanted to.
Your day will be better the next day because of it.
KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS ISN’T FOREVER
Oh lord, I know how much easier this is said than done. When they’re screaming, slapping each other and fighting over every single toy they own.
One day, all too soon, they will be packing up their rooms and kissing you on the cheek as they say goodbye and move out of your house.
Of course, they’ll be back for dinners and holidays. But it will never be the same.
Your house will be silent and clean. There won’t be toys or craft supplies littering the floor. The cheerios will finally stay in the cupboard and the days of stepping on Lego will be over. They won’t reach for you knowing that a hug from mom will make it all better. They will be out there, making their own way and learning life’s hard lessons.
So I know it’s hard.
But cherish what you can and try to remember that it will be over too soon.
TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THEY AREN’T OUT TO PERSONALLY RUIN YOUR DAY
When I think about this, really think about it, I realize that the fights are all about them learning. The meltdowns are important for them to learn how to wade through intense emotions. The tantrum over not getting their favorite plate is actually just like you when you don’t get your favorite dish- you can just control your reaction and have learned to shrug things off.
That’s what they’re learning to do. And it’s important that we teach them how to do just that instead of reacting in that righteous anger (because what does that show them?)
I’m not not anywhere near perfect. I react in anger WAY too often. The important thing is that you are always striving to be better.
Some days it feels like 2 steps forward and 3 back. Other days you feel like friggin super mom because you handled everything with patience and a beautiful calm. Take it in stride and remember that not only are THEY learning, so are YOU.
You haven’t had practice at this mom thing. There’s always a new phase and some of your kids will be completely different than your first born. Cut yourself some slack ❤
ALWAYS TRY TO FIX THINGS
There have been days where I have fucked up so royally, it’s almost like my attitude is ‘well, it can’t get any worse so why bother trying?’
Your kids may remember you yelling, but if you own up to your shit, they sure as hell will remember that too. And what a good lesson to teach.
To come to them and say ‘I messed up. I’m so sorry.’
It’s something you’ll be able to expect of them when THEY mess up.
YOU WOULDN’T BE WHERE YOU ARE WITHOUT THEM
Children teach us so much. Sometimes, more than we’d like to know about ourselves.
They tend to show you a deep side, a side that perhaps never would have seen the light of day without them. Sometimes it’s scary to come face to face with the furious anger or extreme guilt we feel in regards to our children.
But on the other side, they show you the fiercest love and pride and joy you’ve ever felt in your life. I am so thankful for that.
So remember that they’ve taught you more about yourself than you ever would have known. They’ve taught you how to grow into the person you were meant to be.
YOU ARE GROWING AND LEARNING TOGETHER
This isn’t a race where you cross the finish line and someone hands you a juice and says ‘good job, you did it!‘
This is a journey that you are taking WITH your kids, and they with YOU. There will be highs and lows and so much learning, for all of you.
Know that your children will forgive you if you had a bad day, just like you need to forgive them.
You are your children’s guide into this crazy world and even though that can seem daunting, embrace it and realize you are raising some crazy awesome, kind and beautiful souls.
Sending you so much love, especially if you are reading this on a particularly trying day. Leave a comment for other moms who are in the same boat. you are not alone on this journey through motherhood and parenting ❤
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